Steps to True Forgiveness

Forgiving someone who has deeply hurt you can feel like a monumental challenge, especially when the pain seems to cling to you like a hook. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to truly forgive and handle the emotional “weight” of past hurts:

Understanding the Emotional Boulder

1. The Concept of the Boulder:
   • Imagery of Pain: Imagine the pain of the offense as a physical boulder heavy on your back. This boulder represents the ongoing emotional burden and hurt caused by the wrong done to you.
   • Desire to Release: Reflect on whether you want to carry this pain with you for the rest of your life. The answer often is no, as carrying such weight can prevent you from living freely and joyfully.

Steps to True Forgiveness

1. Acknowledge the Pain:

   • Recognize Your Hurt: Begin by acknowledging the depth of your pain and how it affects you. Denying or suppressing your emotions can prolong suffering.
   • Express Your Feelings: It’s essential to process your emotions. This can be done through prayer, journaling, or speaking with a trusted friend or counselor.

2. Decide to Forgive:

   • Make a Conscious Choice: Forgiveness is often a deliberate choice rather than a spontaneous feeling. Decide to forgive, even if you don’t feel like it yet. Matthew 18:21-22 illustrates that forgiveness is an ongoing, intentional act.

3. Release the Offender to God:

   • Visualize the Transfer: Imagine taking the person who hurt you off your emotional hook and placing them onto God’s hook. This signifies transferring the burden of judgment and justice from yourself to God.
   • Trust God’s Justice: God is just and knows how to deal with your offender in His perfect timing and manner. Romans 12:19 says, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” declares the Lord.

4. Pray for the Offender:

   • Bless Those Who Hurt You: Matthew 5:44 encourages us to pray for those who persecute us. Praying for your offender can help in letting go of resentment and fostering a heart of compassion.
   • Ask for God’s Help: Seek God’s strength to release your anger and bitterness. Ask Him to help you truly forgive and heal from the hurt.

5. Seek Healing:

   • Allow God to Heal: Psalm 147:3 promises that God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Invite God into your healing process and allow Him to restore your emotional well-being.
   • Engage in Healing Practices: Participate in activities that support emotional healing, such as therapy, support groups, or spiritual practices.

6. Establish Healthy Boundaries:

   • Set Boundaries if Needed: Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to tolerate ongoing harmful behavior. Proverbs 4:23 advises guarding your heart, which includes setting appropriate boundaries to protect yourself from further harm.

7. Embrace Your New Identity:

   • Live as a Forgiven Person: Recognize that forgiveness frees you from the burden of past hurts. Embrace your new identity in Christ, knowing that you are a cherished child of God, free from the chains of bitterness.

8. Help Others:

   • Share Your Journey: As you heal and forgive, consider sharing your story and helping others who have experienced similar pain. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 encourages us to comfort others with the comfort we have received from God.

God’s Assurance

• God’s Ability to Handle the Offender: Trust that God knows how to handle the situation and the person who wronged you. Hebrews 4:13 assures us that nothing is hidden from God, and He will act with perfect justice and mercy.
• God’s Healing Power: Jeremiah 30:17 promises, “But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds.” Believe that God can and will heal your emotional wounds.

Forgiveness is a powerful act of releasing both the pain and the person who hurt you into God’s hands. It involves acknowledging your pain, making a conscious choice to forgive, and trusting God to handle justice. Through this process, you can find healing, freedom, and a restored sense of self. Embrace the transformative power of forgiveness and allow it to bring peace and wholeness to your life.

“It is mine to avenge; I will repay.”

(Deuteronomy 32:35)

Prayer of Forgiveness

“Lord Jesus, thank You for caring about how much my heart has been hurt. You know the pain I have felt because of (list every offense). Right now I release all that pain into Your hands. Thank You, Lord, for dying on the cross for me and ex-tending Your forgiveness to me. As an act of my will, I choose to forgive ( name ). Right now, I move (name) off of my emotional hook to Your hook. I refuse all thoughts of revenge. I trust that in Your time and in Your way You will deal with (name) as You see fit. And Lord, thank You for giving me Your power to forgive so that I can be set free. In Your holy name I pray. Amen.”

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, as in Christ God forgave you.” 

(Ephesians 4:32)

How to Forgive … Again

Forbid recurring thoughts of the wrongs to enter your mind. “[Love] keeps no record of wrongs.”  (1 Corinthians 13:5).

• Overcome the temptation to bring up the matter again.

“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.”  (Psalm 141:3)

• Repeat Scripture in your mind.

“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.”  (Proverbs 10:12)

• Give the situation to God.

“When they hurled their insults at him [Jesus], he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” (1 Peter 2:23)

• Intercede on behalf of your offender.

“Far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you.”  (1 Samuel 12:23)

• Value what you can give rather than what you can receive.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35)

• Extend God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

“The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.” (James 5:11)