Identifying Patterns of Codependency

The following checklist provides a valuable tool for identifying patterns of codependency in relationships. Codependency often involves an excessive reliance on others for emotional support, self-worth, or validation, which can lead to unhealthy dynamics and personal distress. Here’s a closer look at each point:

1. **Do you struggle with feeling loved, and therefore you look for ways to be needed?**
   This can indicate that your sense of self-worth is tied to being needed by others, rather than feeling inherently valuable.

2. **Do you throw all of your energy into helping another person?**
   Overextending yourself to meet another’s needs can be a sign of codependency, especially if it’s at the expense of your own well-being.

3. **Do you feel compelled to take charge of another person’s crisis?**
   Taking over others’ problems can suggest a need to control or a belief that your worth is tied to being a caretaker.

4. **Do you feel drawn to a person whom you think needs to be rescued?**
   Being attracted to someone who appears to need saving might reflect a desire to find purpose or identity through helping others.

5. **Do you have difficulty setting boundaries with another person and keeping them?**
   Struggling with boundaries can indicate that you prioritize others’ needs over your own and may fear rejection or conflict.

6. **Do you find it difficult to identify and express your true feelings?**
   This can signal that your emotional needs and feelings are suppressed in favor of accommodating others.

7. **Do you rely on another person to make most of the decisions?**
   Dependence on others for decision-making can reflect a lack of self-confidence or personal agency.

8. **Do you feel lonely, sad, and empty when you are alone?**
   Feeling this way when alone might suggest that your sense of self-worth is heavily tied to being in relationship with others.

9. **Do you feel threatened when the person closest to you spends time with someone else?**
   This can indicate possessiveness or insecurity in the relationship, possibly stemming from fears of abandonment.

10. **Do you refrain from speaking in order to keep peace?**
    Avoiding honest communication to prevent conflict may show a pattern of self-sacrifice and a fear of negative outcomes.

11. **Do you fear conflict because it could cause you to be abandoned?**
    Fear of conflict might reflect an underlying fear of rejection or loss of the relationship.

12. **Do you become defensive about your relationship with another person?**
    Defensiveness can be a sign of insecurity about the relationship or a fear of being judged.

13. **Do you feel “stuck” in your relationship with another person?**
    Feeling trapped may suggest that the relationship is unhealthy or that you are struggling with a lack of personal autonomy.

14. **Do you feel you have lost your personal identity in order to “fit into” another person’s world?**
    Losing your sense of self to align with someone else’s needs or preferences can be a strong indicator of codependency.

15. **Do you feel controlled and manipulated by another person?**
    Feeling controlled or manipulated can suggest an unhealthy power dynamic in the relationship.

16. **Do you feel used and taken advantage of by another person?**
    This feeling can indicate that you are not being respected or valued appropriately in the relationship.

17. **Do you plan your life around another person?**
    Planning your life around someone else’s schedule or needs may reflect an imbalance in the relationship.

18. **Do you prioritize your relationship with another person over your relationship with the Lord?**
    This can suggest that your relational dynamics are affecting your spiritual life and sense of purpose.

If you find yourself answering “yes” to several of these questions, it might be worth exploring these patterns further, possibly with the help of a coach, therapist or counselor. Understanding and addressing codependency can lead to healthier, more balanced relationships and a stronger sense of self.