Ep. 62—Overcoming Catholic Dating Hangups & Social Isolation

Jan 19, 2020

We’ve all heard the complaints about Catholic dating. Catholics
have trouble with the concept of “casual dating” because they
(rightly) see dating as oriented toward marriage but (wrongly) put
all that weight on a single date. Some are perpetually “discerning”
without ever really going anywhere. Women feel like if they don’t
find a spouse during their four years at a Catholic college,
they’ve missed their chance.

Some problems we share with the rest of the world: Men won’t ask
women out because they’re timid or tranquilized by video games and
porn. Women often feel they have to put on a persona, whether of a
Jane Austen character or a “fierce” feminist (YAAAAS, SLAY
QUEEN!).

Matchmaker Emily Zanotti, known as the “Catholic Yenta”, joins
the show to discuss these and other pathologies of Catholic dating,
and explains how she went from helping her friends find their
spouses to handpicking matches for people across the country.

Also interviewed is Eric Niehaus, creator of a
soon-to-be-launched events app called Koin, which will allow
Catholics to find and plan activities and events with other
Catholics in their area. In a world in which Catholics often feel
socially isolated, Koin aims to help us foster real-life
community.

Pt. 1: Emily Zanotti (Catholic Yenta)

[2:55] How Emily found herself in the role of Catholic
matchmaker

[5:32] Why a matchmaker is in demand; problems with dating
sites

[6:47] How the matchmaking process works and Emily’s role in
follow-up

[9:31] What information is useful to Emily in matching people;
prayer as the basis of the process

[12:23] Success rate so far, future expansion

[15:03] What Emily has learned talking to Jewish and Hindu
matchmakers

[18:39] Common issues and complaints from the Catholic dating
scene

[23:34] “Perpetual discernment” and unrealistic expectations in
the Catholic dating pool

[28:35] Risk, security and the Disney princess syndrome

[30:29] Male timidity and sloth exacerbated by video games,
porn, and feminism

[34:58] Why some women think they need to put on a persona when
dating

Pt. 2: Eric Niehaus (Koin)

[42:20] The meaning of the name Koin and the need for a
specifically Catholic events app

[44:45] Planned growth of the platform, city by city

[46:36] Challenges of getting a new social platform off the
ground

[48:47] Cultivating community both in pre-existing organizations
and parishes and in the wider geographical area

[50:51] How Koin aims to partner with and compliment
parishes

[54:06] Extending participation beyond the young adult bracket;
the benefits of spending time with people who aren’t your age

[57:52] Overcoming social stratification among Catholics

Links

Catholic Yenta form https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdHOdPqLqQi5weQVnMqCWOZpBXUVxNKYD3Isgkf5oRsX63Kqw/viewform

Emily Zanotti on Twitter https://twitter.com/emzanotti

Koin http://www.meetkoin.com/

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